According to a new case study, a 33 year old man injected his own semen into his arm 18 times over the course of a year and a half as a treatment for chronic back pain.
The case study was published in the Irish Medical Journal with the title “Semenly” Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess.
Well played, lads.
Blast yourself into space with our all-over print Catstronaut shirt, on sale now in our store!
After the 18-month trial period of injecting himself with his own ejaculate without relief, the man finally sought actual medical attention. He complained of “severe, sudden onset lower pack pain” after lifting a “heavy steel object” a few days prior. However, as Gizmodo reports, medical staff noticed something was awry with his arm.
During his checkup, the doctor found a patch of red swelling on his right forearm, after which the man admitted he’d been injecting himself with his own semen using a hypodermic needle he purchased online.
This time around, he had injected three “doses” of semen, entering both his blood vessels and his muscles.
Ah, the internet. A marvelous place where you can find endless cat pictures and, apparently, hypodermic needles.
The study states that the man “devised this “cure” independent of medical advice.” Yeah, no kidding. They went on to explain that “This is the first reported case of semen injection for use as a medical treatment.”
The physicians weren’t able to find any examples of human people injecting themselves with semen to treat or cure any kind of disease:
Although there is a report of the effects of subcutaneous semen injection into rats and rabbits, there were no cases of intravenous semen injection into humans found across the literature. A search of more eclectic internet sites and forums found no other documentation of semen injection for back pain treatment or other uses.
The case study also included an x-ray of the patient’s arm, showing a subcutaneous emphysema with associated soft tissue swelling and oedema (trapped air in his arm).
The physicians concluded their report by saying (and I’m paraphrasing here): “Hey, maybe don’t do things like this and go to an actual doctor when something is wrong.”
The man was treated with an antimicrobial injection, and eventually discharged himself after his back pain dissipated. Hopefully he learned a valuable lesson and has been able to resume his normal daily life.
I’m rather impressed by this man’s ingenuity and creativity. Clearly, he didn’t know how to administer injections, but he put a lot of effort into treating himself. Imagine what he could accomplish if only he could channel that creative energy into something more useful.
Cover image via IMJ